


if everything could ever feel this real forever

by donniedorko



Category: IASIP, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, it's always sunny
Genre: 5 Things, 5 Times, 5+1 Things, Angst, Asexual Charlie Kelly, Canon Gay Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, M/M, Mutual Pining, One-sided Mac McDonald/Dennis Reynolds, Other, Past Relationship(s), Sad with a Happy Ending, Sickfic, Substance Abuse, Trans Charlie Kelly, Trans Male Character, and it all clicks in mac's head, bc i love to project, but charlie points out that dennis treats him like shit, charmac - Freeform, he pines after den for a while, its kind of depressing, mac comforts charlie, mac is uber fucking gay, mentions of abuse, might be ooc idk, no matter how cheesy that is, pining mac, that 5+1 trope, whoo it feels good to say that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:54:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22652089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donniedorko/pseuds/donniedorko
Summary: five times mac takes care of charlie, and the time charlie takes care of him.
Relationships: (but not really) - Relationship, Bonnie Kelly & Charlie Kelly, Charlie Kelly & Mac McDonald & Dee Reynolds & Dennis Reynolds & Frank Reynolds, Charlie Kelly/Mac McDonald, Charmac, Mac McDonald & Luther McDonald, Mac McDonald/Dennis Reynolds, Mac McDonald/Dennis Reynolds (one-sided), Mac McDonald/Other(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 56





	1. i guess i'll have to settle for you

**Author's Note:**

> fic comes from 'everlong' by the foo fighters 
> 
> chapter titles come from songs from my charmac playlist-
> 
> 1\. Community Gardens by The Scary Jokes
> 
> 2\. The Funeral by Band of Horses
> 
> 3\. Midnight City by M83
> 
> 4\. Twelve Feet Deep by The Front Bottoms
> 
> 5\. Your Song by Elton John
> 
> 6\. Falling For You by Weezer
> 
> playlist i wrote this to:

one.

The first time Mac tries to take care of Charlie, they’re thirteen years old. 

They’re in class, and Charlie shoots up from his chair- Charlie’s always relatively fidgety, but he’s never just jumped out of class like this before. The teacher can’t even say anything before he’s sprinted out of the room and down the hall. The teacher looks at his chair, shocked, and Mac takes the moment of surprise to make his leave. He runs out quickly, slamming the door behind him, and heads down the hall. 

“Charlie?” He calls out, glancing from side to side for a familiar shock of brown hair. He checks all their regular spots- the back lockers, the closet with the hole in the roof, and the art room that Charlie had found- it was in the back wing of the school, the part that got shut down after a fire lit in one of the chem classes had burned the back rooms too harshly to be used any more. They were all really good spots for huffing.

Mac shakes his head and kept wandering, finally checking the guys bathroom. “Charlie?” He calls out softly. “Charlieeeee,” He groans, in a ghost-like voice. He concludes that he’s not there, so he decides to pee and head out, check out all of the places they hang out that aren’t in the school. 

As he’s finishing washing his hands, he hears a low noise that sounds an awful lot like rough crying. He dries his hands on his jeans and pokes his head out the door, looking from side to side. “Hellooooo?” He shouts, peering from side to side. 

The crying stops for a minute, and he hears soft sniffling and what sounds like Charlie’s voice coming from the girls bathroom. “The fuck?” Mac mutters, knocking on the door quietly. “Charlie? Dude? It’s me, buddy- it’s Mac. Can I come in?” He asks, peering through the crack between the door and the wall.

“U-uh- Charlie’s not in here!” A high, fake feminine voice calls. “Just us girls! Now go away!”

Mac sighs and rolls his eyes. “Charlie, bud, I know it’s you. I’m comin’ in.” He slowly budges open the door with his shoulder. “You gonna come out?”

“No!” Charlie replies. “I said go away, Mac!” He sniffles again, and Mac hears shuffling and what sounds like crinkling noises. He steps into the bathroom, looking under the stalls until he spots Charlie’s beat up tennis shoes.

“Charlie? Dude- did you skip class and hide in here to eat snacks without me? What the fuck man?re to- to eat chips?” He frowns. “That’s kind of weird, even for us.”

He hears an exasperated sigh. “Of _course_ not, Mac!” Charlie calls.

“Then what are you even doing?” Mac asks, leaning against the stall door and sliding to the ground. 

“I-I can’t tell you. You’ll think it’s weird. Hell, you won’t wanna be my friend anymore.” 

Mac cocks his head and pushes his feet against the wall. “Why would I wanna stop being friends with you, dummy? You’re like, the best guy I know.”

He hears a thump from the stall. “That’s the problem, Mac! I’m not the best guy you know. Not really, at least.”

“Charlie, if this is you starting up that self deprecating bullshit again, then know I won’t hesitate to-”

“No! That’s not it! I-I’m trans, Mac.”

“What?”

“I was born a girl. That’s why I’m in here, why I don’t do the normal stuff some guys do, why I’m not the best guy you know.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah. So I get it if you don’t wanna be friends anymore, I know I like, didn’t tell you and stuff. So. I’m sorry.”

“Why do you think I wouldn’t wanna be your friend, Charlie?”

“Whaddaya mean?”

“I mean, like- did I do something that made you think I wouldn’t like you?”

“Well, no- just- I assumed bein’ Catholic and all, that this was bad. You know? Like being gay.”

“Oh. I mean. I guess so? But I think it’s kind of different. Like- you _choose_ to be gay. Right? Dad said that’s how it works. And you don’t choose to be a boy or a girl. It’s how you’re made. You were just made a boy, but it didn’t work right. Yeah?”

“That- yeah, Mac, that’s actually exactly right.”

“… then we’re still friends?” Charlie murmurs.

“Yeah, Charlie, we’re still friends. You gonna come out now?” Mac stands up and rubs the dirt from the floor off his jeans. 

He hears the toilet flush and Charlie steps out, face pink and a hand over his stomach. His jeans are seeping with a deep red stain, bleeding down from the crotch.

“Let’s get you a change of clothes. Take my jacket and wrap it around your waist, okay?” Mac tugs off his hoodie and wraps it around Charlie's waist. 

Charlie leans into Mac's strong frame, exhaling deeply. "Th'nk you," he murmurs softly as he tightens the hoodie arms around his hips. "I'm really tired." He says randomly, smiling. "I was really worried about this 'n all. Can we skip?" 

Mac nods and ruffles Charlie's hair. "Course. I didn't feel like sitting through drama anyways. Wanna go hang out at the train yard?" 

"Yeah," Charlie smiles widely. "That sounds perfect. Can we get som'n to eat too?" he asks quietly, standing up a little taller and going to wash his hands. 

Mac agrees and they collect their things, heading out the door.

Something feels different between them as they walk out of the school- neither of them are exactly sure why things feel different, but they know it's good. As they walk down the street, Charlie's fingers intertwine with Mac's, and for once, Mac doesn't shake him off, and they know that they're gonna be okay.


	2. i'm comin' up only to hold you under

two.

The second time Mac helps Charlie, they’re both seventeen. They’ve matured as much as they can say they have, but things are just the same.

Except for a new addition to their schtick- Dennis, who is  _ very  _ new to the picture.

Mac is fucking crazy for him. He talks about him constantly, dotes after him all the time, follows him around like a little lost puppy. Well, with the eyes Mac gives him? He might as well be. 

“Listen, Mac,” Charlie starts one evening, high off his ass on what Mac believes to be a combination of shitty weed and school glue- whether he took them at the same time, Mac doesn’t really know. “He-he’s not really all that good for you, y’know,” Charlie hiccups. 

They’re sitting in the school parking lot, way after school hours- in Mac’s shitty black Honda Civic, a Led Zeppelin tape pressed into the stereo. It’s blasting “Whole Lotta Love” so loud that the hood of the car is shaking. Mac has his head pressed to the window, feeling the soundwaves press onto his cheek. “Hmm?” He asks softly, wiping the slight trickle of sweat off his forehead and lifting his head to face Charlie. He’s not as high as Charlie is, and he’s only smoked tonight- but he’s still pretty out of it.

“I said, he’s not good for you!” Charlie repeats, annoyed. He rolls his eyes and rubs them slowly. His irises shine in contrast to the currently pink whites of his eyes. Mac knows he shouldn’t be thinking like this- Luther told him countless times to stay the fuck away from other boys- but Charlie looks so pretty in the moonlight, a sleepy halo of hair around his head.

Mac shakes the thought out of his head and cocks his head. “Who?” He asks, his voice smooth like peanut butter around the edges. He smiles softly, and he can barely remember what they’re talking about, because his head is a constant loop of  _ “Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie- fuck I wanna kiss him so bad- why am I like this, why am I like this, why am- shit, he looks so so gorgeous, when did he get this handsome? It couldn’t’ve been overnight, right? Right. Fuck. Dad’s gonna be so upset if he ever finds out I’m like this- god fucking damn it, I- fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. No wonder he hates me, huh? I’m just a dirty fucking faggot. Fuck.” _

“Mac? Mac, are you even listening to me man? Cause I don’t think you’re listening to me and that’s  _ really _ frustrating, dude!” 

Mac snaps out of his trance and slides up in his seat, pulling a cigarette pack out of his pocket and lighting one with shaky hands. “Sorry. Sorry. What?”

Charlie looks at him with a worried face. “Shit, man, are you okay? You look like you just saw, uh, a ghost or somethin’.” Charlie laughs sharply.

Mac nods and bites his lip. “Yeah- I’m fine. Tired. I guess this batch wasn’t all that good, it’s making me paranoid.” He lies so easily that it feels like it just slides off his tongue. Charlie seems to believe the lie and nods. Mac exhales and continues. “So, uh, what was it you were saying?”

Charlie laughs again and folds his arms over his waist, pulling his knees up into the seat and resting his chin on them. “Dennis,” he grumbles. “He’s a shitty person, Mac, I just- I don’t know how you don’t see it!” Charlie cries, exasperated. He throws his hands up in the air and runs them through his tangled hair. “I mean- he doesn’t even care about you! He- god, he’s taking advantage of you!”

Mac sits back, turning down the music to a lower volume and curls into himself in the seat. “What do you even mean, Charlie? He cares about me more than anyone in this fucking school!” He pauses. “Well, except for you. You always come first.”

“No, Mac, he- wait, I come first?” Charlie’s face reddens and he smiles. He quickly wags his head and sighs. “For real though. Dennis doesn’t care about you at all and it hurts to watch you- watch you fall for him like this, Mac. I-” He drops his shoulders and hunches forward. “He doesn’t give a shit about you. You remember when he let you get in trouble because he cheated off you in Ms. Brubeck’s class? That wasn’t a huge deal, but- but it’s just one example of all the bullshit he’s pulling.” Charlie scoffs. 

Mac looks at him, biting his lip. “Shit.” He mutters. “You’re totally right, aren’t you?” He groans, thumping his head against the seat. “God, Charlie, I’m so sorry. I fucked up, huh?”

Charlie shakes his head. “No, no, no, Mac- you didn’t fuck up, dude! I just get worried about you.” He closes his eyes and leans back in his chair. “I just don’t trust him.”

Mac nods along, more focused on the music and Charlie’s face than their actual conversation. In a burst of courage, he wipes his hands on his ratty black skinny jeans and leans forward. “Can I kiss you?”

Charlie’s eyes widen, and he bites the inside of his cheek. “That- that’s a bit gay, Mac!” He says, smiling a little bit. 

“Oh. I guess you’re right. Sorry.” Mac says absentmindedly. The weed is really starting to get to him now. 

Charlie shakes his head. “No, no, don’t be sorry! Just cause it’s gay doesn’t mean I don’t wanna, you know?” He laughs softly.

“Really?” 

“Well yeah! I mean, I know it’s against all your Catholic shit and all that, but- yeah.”

“Then… do you wanna maybe…?”

Charlie doesn’t respond, and Mac thinks again that he’s messed up, until he feels a warmth pressed to his lips.

Charlie’s kissing him. 

Holy fucking shit.

Charlie Kelly- his best friend of like, eight years- is kissing him.

And Mac doesn’t mind at all.

He kisses back, letting his eyes flutter shut as he cups Charlie’s cheek in his hand. The tape finishes and a small click sounds through the car, followed by radio silence. All the two boys can hear is the chirp of crickets in the lot, and the soft shallow breathing from each other.

Mac can taste beer on Charlie’s lips and he laughs against his mouth, kissing him just a little bit harder. Charlie’s lips are soft and pink and holy  _ shit,  _ it’s Charlie. Mac is kissing his fucking best friend and it feels  _ good _ . Not dirty or messed up, not impure or sloppy, like it did with Dennis’ prom date. 

That feeling- the tightness of the whole situation- is what makes him snap out of it.  _ I’m not gay, I’m not gay, I’m not, I’m not, I’m not,  _ his head screams. He pulls away roughly and buries his head in his hands, tugging his hair. “Fuuuuuck, dude.” He whines. “Charlie- I’m not gay- I’m not gay, man, I-” 

Charlie looks almost hurt, his brow furrowed and his mouth pressed in a line. “Sure you aren’t, Mac. And I’m Fatty Magoo.” He scoffs. “I thought- Jesus, Mac, I thought you actually liked me.” Charlie sighs. 

“I do, Charlie, I swear, I just- I’m not gay.” Mac frowns. “I’m just not.” He rubs his eyes and pulls up his jeans, running his hands along the wheel. 

Charlie groans, his voice low, and Mac immediately faces Charlie, ready to defend himself again. Charlie’s cheeks are a dusty pink and he’s holding his ribs, his breathing quick. 

“Charlie? Dude? Are you okay?” Mac reaches over and unbuckles Charlie’s seatbelt, rubbing his back. “What’s goin on? Talk to me dude, please.”

“I can’t breathe,” Charlie mumbles, curling into himself. “I-I haven’t-”

“Charlie, oh fuck, fuck, no, no you didn’t- dude, when was the last time you took it off?” Mac asks worriedly, feeling for Charlie’s binder through his shirt. He had made it on his own- duct tape and an old tank top. If Mac could just find the goddamned sides, he could rip it and help Charlie get out. 

“I- not recently, it- it’s been really bad and I just couldn’t handle it.” Charlie confesses. 

Mac finally feels the seam and starts to tear it, a whispered apology falling off his lips. The binder slips down and Charlie’s breathing starts to improve. 

He looks at Mac after a moment, the hurt still evident in his face. “I think I wanna go home,” he grumbles. “My mom’ll be worried about me by now. Can you drive?”

Mac nods somberly and pulls the car in gear, heading out of the parking lot. They drive in silence, the only noise coming from other cars passing them. “Charlie- I…” Mac sighs. “I fucked up, I get it. I’m not thinking straight. I do love you, dude, but I just wasn’t thinking and I..” A tear slides down his cheek and he wipes it away before Charlie can see. He’s tough and he’s a man, and men don’t cry. He continues softly- “I don’t wanna lose you. You’re my best friend and I care about you so much. When.. when we kissed- it felt  _ right _ , Charlie, and I can’t do that. I’m not supposed to like boys. I’m not allowed.”

He pulls up to Charlie’s house and helps him peel the binder off completely, giving Charlie his jean jacket to cover his chest more. 

Charlie tilts his head on the window, a puff of his breath fogging up the window. “I get it, Mac. I really do. I know about Luther and all and.. I understand.” He pulls on the jacket and continues. “I kinda overreacted. If you wanna- you can stay over. Instead of going to your house. Your dad’s on leave tonight, yeah? For the trial?” 

Mac nods. “That would be nice. Is it okay with you and your mom?” He asks nervously. 

Charlie gives him a thumbs up. “Of course! She loves you, dude! Now come on, it’s cold out here.”

They hop out of the car and into the house- and though Mac had been the one helping Charlie just minutes before, it feels like Charlie had been the one who helped him instead.


	3. waiting for the ride in the dark

three.

The next time Mac helps Charlie is on a cold afternoon in November, right after they buy the bar.

Charlie had woken up to complete darkness and pounding noises in his head.

  
Wait- shit. That's wasn’t his head, was it? He stands up so quickly that he nearly falls over, brushing off his sweats and rubbing his eyes. He switches on his bedside light and heads to the door, cracking it open slowly.

"H'lo?" He murmurs sleepily, blinking back at the bright light from the hallway. His eyes finally readjust and he sees Mac standing in front of him, a nervous expression on his face as he pushes the door further. Mac’s standing with his arms crossed now, tapping his foot. Charlie notices that Dennis isn’t with him- a rare thing since he’d gotten back from college last month. The two were near inseparable.

"Charlie! Fuck, dude, you scared us all shitless." Mac says, walking into the room and carefully leaning against the wall. 

Charlie rolls his eyes and bites the inside of his cheek as he follows behind Mac, shutting the door. "Christ on a bike, Mac, what time is it?" He groans, tugging his blanket off his bed and wrapping it around him like a robe.   
  


"God, Dee and I, well, we were- we were worried about you man! Why didn't you contact us or some shit? You never miss a day! Shit, even Den Dennis was worried about you! He said he was out with some girl and that you guys had plans and you never came, and- you guys had like, plans or somethingand he never freaks out like he did. It was almost scary." Mac stops as he speaks, studying Charlie's face in the soft tan glow from the bed light. 

"Charlie?" He asks softly, wiping his hands on his jeans nervously and stepping closer to him. He's taller than Charlie- always has been and always will be, but Charlie seems plain small right now. "Buddy," He murmurs, pulling Charlie toward him and wrapping him in a hug. "Fuck, dude, what's going on? You look awful."

Charlie pulls away and sits on the bed, curling into the corner with his blanket tucked along his neck. 

"I'm sick, Mac." He sighs. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't come in or anything today- I would've called I don’t have a house phone now I don’t have a and I didn't feel good enough to walk anywhere and and I just didn't have anyone to help or something and so I chose to just-"

Mac cuts him off and joins him on the cot, kicking off his shoes and sitting near Charlie. "It's okay, man. You don't hafta explain yourself to me. You rarely ever take a sick day." He pauses for a minute and tugs up his jeans, then stretches his arms upward and his shirt rides up, revealing semi-thin ribs. 

He softens a bit, putting his arm around Charlie’s shoulder and tilting his hips away from him. He turns his head and lays it top of Charlie’s, nuzzling his hair roughly. “I’m glad you’re okay, dude,” Mac smiles, and Charlie can feel himself blushing. 

“Yeah, me too.” He smiles, yawning and stretching. He works his head into the crook of Mac’s neck, and he falls asleep more comfortably than he has in months.

He wakes up not long after and notices that the warmth next to him is gone. “Mac?” He murmurs quietly, blinking back against the light from his bedside lamp. He hears humming and light tapping, so he opens his eyes. Mac’s sitting on the edge of the bed, his phone pressed against his ear. Charlie inches his way next to him, and settles himself on the bedpost. 

Mac turns to see him and smiles, nudging his shoulder. “I’m getting food,” he mouths, motioning towards his phone, “cause I noticed you don’t have anything, really.”

Charlie hears voices from the phone and Mac snaps his attention back to the call. He puts in an order for their usual picks at the Chinese restaurant down the road, and hangs up. Charlie curls further into the blanket, the scratchy wool warming him up a bit as he waits.

Mac sets down the phone and settles in next to Charlie. He turns his head and lays it on top of Charlie’s, nuzzling his hair foolishly. “I’m glad you’re okay, dude,” Mac smiles, and Charlie can feel himself blushing. They sit in a state of comfortable silence for a while, and Charlie cozies himself into the crook of Mac’s neck, falling asleep almost immediately.

He wakes up again to the smell of warm Chinese food, and muffled steps across the near threadbare carpet. He wipes drool from the side of his scruffy beard and yawns, extending his arms outward. Mac smiles at him, and Charlie gets up, scratching his back.

They each pick up their boxes of food, splitting the bigger one that’s full of rice. Mac folds the bed in and sets it into couch form, sitting down and starting to eat. Charlie joins him and cuddles up into a warm ball next to him as they both eat, turning on the small TV in the corner and watching Looney Toons.

It’s a small thing, Charlie thinks, but this is a step. Mac is _comfortable_ like this- which is pretty rare, one would think. For a moment, he debates in his head whether he should mention it to Mac or not, and he decides against it.  
  


For once, they’re content. Happy. Together. And Charlie’s gonna make every second of it last. Cause he really _does_ love Mac. And maybe- just maybe- this makes him think, that Mac might love him too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks! Sorry this chapter took forever to put out, and sorry it’s so short!
> 
> I needed to take a break from writing for a little while, but I’m back now!
> 
> The next update will be released within a week or two, but until then;
> 
> Wash your hands, cover your cough, don’t go out if you can help it, and stay safe. Love you all!


End file.
